FILF

In my line of work there is hardly a reason to get out of the sweat pants  especially in the winter when the only excursion out of the house is to walk the dog.  I did make a deal right before I started staying home with a good friend Todd, the angry baker, that if I ever showed up at his bakery in sweats he had full license to kick my ass, and its no joke the dude is the size of a Viking and gets up at three in the morning to bake bread, he is licking his chops at the chance to kick someone ass.  However, there is the occasional rarity I decide to put on clean clothes and head to one of the kid centric activities of the day, preschool or toddler gym.  I am always amazed and envious of people who stay at home and look put together and carry themselves with grace.  Its hard to look put together with kid boogers and milk stains on your shirt or to carry yourself with grace when a 1 year old is slapping you in the face, but some amazing parents can.   It is a conscience effort I am sure, a discipline.  On one of these rarified occasions I actually dressed myself beyond sweats something happened that I haven’t been aware of for quite some time.  I got The Second Glance, no shit.  I mean I am a decent looking individual but it is rare for a dude wrangling two kids to garner the attention of others unless they are trying to hint at the fact that your kids ruined their restaurant experience. 

The Second Glance is a subtle safe way to tell other people that they look nice and that they have their shit together.  The Glance has harmless intentions and varies greatly from the obvious stalker stare and the infamous undressing someone with your eyes.  I am talking about a nice, low impact, leave no trace, pack it in pack it out, type of look here.  Receiving a second glance can make your day, shit the one I got made my month.  My wife tells me I look good and that I am sexy and I appreciate it very much, but this is also coming from the woman who tells me I am the best guitar player in the world, I can play 3 chords.  Her blind devotion is what keeps me going but just like any good hypothesis, it's nice to have it tested and proven.  I was having a highly unusual day of cleanliness and actually changed my clothes.  I was at a gym the kind you take your kids so that they can get their wiggles out and you can try to have awkward conversations with strangers.  It's like you have to practice how to talk to adults.  I have been staying home nearly four years, I need practice. The gist of most of the conversations tends to stay on the kids otherwise it can get awkward.  Anyhow, I walked by an attractive woman and as I was putting my kids in the stroller she looked back at me with a smile, and it wasn’t a pity smile, I think.  Hell, if it was a pity smile I’ll take what I can get.  I felt great and I strutted home with my head high. 

For women, generally speaking of course, it seems much easier.  I am sure women appreciate the Second Glance just as much as I did, but men have a harder time of the glance not turning creepy or weird.  Guys, especially married guys, are usually sexually deprived.  Some stay-at-home dads I hang out with have the common male fantasy of hooking up with a MILF.  I always tell them to think, to really think about that fantasy.  Do they really think it's a woman's fantasy to hook up with a dirty dude dragging kids around, come on. Her fantasy would be for someone to clean her house and babysit the kids so she can nap, or someone to take her away to Costa Rica.  It is no secret that MILFs exist and are some of the sexiest women out there.  Just the fact that there is a derogatory term for them says it all.  You don’t hear of Dad’s I’d like to F___.  It would be more like Dad’s I’d like to Clean My Bathroom or Dad’s I’d like to Finish the Damn “Remodel” they Started a Friggin’ Year Ago.  But if there were a derogatory term for the male version of MILF it should be FILF, Father I’d Like to, well you get it.  We are kinda filthy.  So don't be shy to give a FILF a second glance, you'll make their month.