We recently purchased a minivan. I instantly found myself defending the choice to other people out of my own insecurities. The reaction I got from my guy friends was expected.
My good friend Hamer, instantly laughed at the choice and at my feeble attempts to defend it.
"Its not really a minivan, its more like a mini minivan," I began.
"What the hell does that mean?" he rightfully replied.
"Well, its a Mazda 5 and its more like a wagon and the size of a sed..."
"Dude, does it have a sliding door?" he interrupted. A pause ensued, I was trying to think of anything else that would disqualify my vehicle as a minivan, but there was nothing.
"Yes."
"Then its a minivan, did you have to trade your balls for it at the dealership?"
I thought about everything that went through my head any other time I had bought a vehicle: did it look cool? was it the model I thought made me stand out from the traffic? reliability, fuel efficient, fun to drive.
Then I thought about the things that went through my head this time: If Otis dumps his cheese crackers on the floor will it be easy to clean? Can I get my kids out without feeling like I might get hit by on coming traffic? Will milk stains show up on the seat? Is there enough room for groceries, a dog and two kids? Does my wife like it?
"Yeah, I gave them my balls at the dealership." He laughs again. "Hey, but its a stick," I say hoping for something.
"Really? I guess you left with one ball."
One ball no balls, cars minivans, the whole experience really brought it home that I am no longer a man, not just a man, I am a Family Man. So I am going to drive my minivan with my head high above the steering wheel, handing my kids crackers while driving, listening to kids music, and opening the sliding door, thinking "Damn this thing's convenient."
