Pets: Why Owning a Dog is Worse Than Driving an SUV

Let me preface this entry by stating I have two cats and a dog.  I love my animals, but in the winter time its tough love and it's like being trapped with roommates too long.  I, like most people, want to be environmentally conscience and lower my impact logically.  I am not going to grow all my own food right now or buy everything organic and local, we do what we can but it’s just hard on the budget at the moment.  I look for low cost easy ways to lower my carbon footprint, taking bags to the grocery store, reusing as much as possible, stuff like that.  In the nice long winters here in Wisconsin I have had time to ponder things I really have never thought about like the carbon footprint left by my animals.  I mean I pick up my dogs poop and throw it away and I know it goes to the landfill, but what is the impact of that poop and the dog food and other dog products on our earth.

I did a little Google research and I found some pretty interesting statistics on the impact of pets.  The best information comes from a book entitled Time to Eat the Dog: The real guide to sustainable living.  The title may seem harsh but after reading some of the information provided, Novio, my dog, is looking pretty tasty. For instance, owning a medium sized dog is like owning two SUV's:

To measure the ecological paw, claw and fin-prints of the family pet, the Vales anylized the ingredients of common brands of pet food. They calculated, for example, that a medium-sized dog would consume 90 grams of meat and 156 grams of cereals daily in its recommended 300-gram portion of dried dog food. At its pre-dried weight, that equates to 450 grams of fresh meat and 260 grams of cereal. That means that over the course of a year, Fido wolfs down about 164 kilograms of meat and 95 kilograms of cereals.

It takes 43.3 square metres of land to generate 1 kilogram of chicken per year - far more for beef and lamb - and 13.4 square metres to generate a kilogram of cereals. So that gives him a footprint of 0.84 hectares. For a big dog such as a German shepherd, the figure is 1.1 hectares.

Meanwhile, an SUV - the Vales used a 4.6-litre Toyota Land Cruiser in their comparison - driven a modest 10,000 kilometres a year, uses 55.1 gigajoules, which includes the energy required both to fuel and to build it. One hectare of land can produce approximately 135 gigajoules of energy per year, so the Land Cruiser's eco-footprint is about 0.41 hectares - less than half that of a medium-sized dog.

Basically, owning my medium sized dog is way worse than the a-hole that drives around a hummer.  The book goes on to say that cats are like a small car.  So here in my house we are driving the equivalent of two small cars and two SUV's not counting our actual car.  I will definitely discontinue my judgment of SUV drivers, unless they have two dogs in the back after all I am a hater. 

I am not condoning eating dogs or cats or anything but it has swayed my decision about animal ownership.  I would never choose to own a Hummer because it seems excessive and wasteful, but I have chosen to own three pets one way or another.  The information I read was pretty eye opening.  Should cities be more dog friendly or should they be less dog friendly to discourage pet ownership?  I know cities like New York make driving a car really expensive and discourage people from driving there with tolls and high costs of parking.  Using this logic it would make sense to tax dogs and cats for the added impact on landfills.  After all it is a choice to own a dog or cat.  I don’t see myself choosing to own any more pets.  Of course it is the wintertime and my animals are driving me a little crazy.

Here is an article with some helpful tips to leave a lower your carbon paw print.  The article mentions everything from eco-friendly pet foods to toys.  The same problem remains for me though is the budgetary impact of buying eco-friendly dog food.  It is one of the responsibilities of owning pets that I didn't think of when I chose to take them in.  


This blog has a lot of good information and tips to be a greener pet owner.


If you have any tips especially low cost tips let me know in the comments.

I Have Been Promoted!

From Penis Pusher to Butthole Checker!

I am excited to announce that my duties as penis pusher are now over.  Otis no longer needs guidance and can direct his stream solo.  Thank friggin' the almighty.  He is totally solo in the bathroom; however,  my duties are not over in that realm.  He is wiping himself so now I am regulated to butthole(two words or one?) checker.  Are these jobs I can put on my resume?

The Shoe/Book Shelf and Coat Hanger

I am really trying to get a hold on the clutter and yard sale like appearance of my house by making things easy and convienent for both my kids and myself.  We pretty much exusively use the back door when entering the house and the coat closet is in the front of the house.  So from the rear of the house its easy to find the closet by following the trail of gloves, hats, scaves, and coats.  Everyday I should pick up the discarded winter clothing and take it to the coat closet, but doesn't always happen.  I wanted it to be easier and have Otis take more responsibility picking up after himself.  I built this shelf out of leftover plywood and screws from my garage.  I am pretty proud of this one as I built it during the day with the kids around.  Otis uses it and loves to put the shoes away and I don't have to waste 10 minutes trying to locate all of the winter accessories.  I also have been toting around this old piece of barn wood I got from my friend, Nate,  thanks again.  It has such a beautiful grain, and I have been trying to find a use for it for about four years.  I needed to make a coat hanger for the wall and it was a perfect fit.  Just a few cuts and some hanger hardware and it was finished.  I am very pleased with the set up and the house seems less cluttered with coats and what not.

What has Two Thumbs and Can Bake Bread? This Guy

                                                                           actually my bread in photo


Baking has never been my bag.  I am not the most thorough and meticulous guy, but I hate paying 4 dollars for a loaf of organic bread.  Last year I read the New York Times article on No Knead Bread.   The recipe and method sat well with me and allows room for experimentation and error, key to my lack of skills.  Every loaf of bread has been edible since I started with the exception of one I forgot about and looked like I tried to cook a rock.  

I stick to two main recipes we like here, Spelt Bread and Sesame Semolina.  I use more yeast because its cold here and I find the bread turns out better.  I also use a little more salt.

Spelt Bread
2 cups whole spelt flour
1 cup white spelt flour
1.5 cups water
pinch of salt
some honey
1/2 tsp yeast

Sesame Semolina
2 cups white bread flour
1 cup semolina
1.5 cups water
1/2 tsp of yest
pinch of salt
some toasted sesame oil (coat my hands with it so the dough doesn't stick)
sesame seeds for top

The water and salt and honey can be changed for taste and wanted crumb, basically the more water the more bubbles.

More recipe variations here.   But I basically stick to the three cup rule.  Whole wheat would be 2 cups whole wheat 1 cup white.  Its pretty easy to add whatever you want to the bread like sunflower seeds or other whole grains.  Here is a video that is some what helpful to see the process.




I try to minimize mess and tools so I do everything in one bowl and don't take the dough out unit it is ready to be baked.  I use only a fork as a tool to stir so no need for crazy expensive mixers.  A dutch oven is key and I prefer the no enamel ones.  I do knead the semolina bread for a little bit especially if the kids have been crazy.  What I love about the bread is the short time commitments.  Otis, my son, helps me mix it, usually takes 5-10 minutes, I give him a bit  to play with when I flip it around another 5 minutes and then bake it.  The only tough thing is you have to plan ahead since the bread has to sit overnight.

Any questions just put them in the comments.

FILF

In my line of work there is hardly a reason to get out of the sweat pants  especially in the winter when the only excursion out of the house is to walk the dog.  I did make a deal right before I started staying home with a good friend Todd, the angry baker, that if I ever showed up at his bakery in sweats he had full license to kick my ass, and its no joke the dude is the size of a Viking and gets up at three in the morning to bake bread, he is licking his chops at the chance to kick someone ass.  However, there is the occasional rarity I decide to put on clean clothes and head to one of the kid centric activities of the day, preschool or toddler gym.  I am always amazed and envious of people who stay at home and look put together and carry themselves with grace.  Its hard to look put together with kid boogers and milk stains on your shirt or to carry yourself with grace when a 1 year old is slapping you in the face, but some amazing parents can.   It is a conscience effort I am sure, a discipline.  On one of these rarified occasions I actually dressed myself beyond sweats something happened that I haven’t been aware of for quite some time.  I got The Second Glance, no shit.  I mean I am a decent looking individual but it is rare for a dude wrangling two kids to garner the attention of others unless they are trying to hint at the fact that your kids ruined their restaurant experience. 

The Second Glance is a subtle safe way to tell other people that they look nice and that they have their shit together.  The Glance has harmless intentions and varies greatly from the obvious stalker stare and the infamous undressing someone with your eyes.  I am talking about a nice, low impact, leave no trace, pack it in pack it out, type of look here.  Receiving a second glance can make your day, shit the one I got made my month.  My wife tells me I look good and that I am sexy and I appreciate it very much, but this is also coming from the woman who tells me I am the best guitar player in the world, I can play 3 chords.  Her blind devotion is what keeps me going but just like any good hypothesis, it's nice to have it tested and proven.  I was having a highly unusual day of cleanliness and actually changed my clothes.  I was at a gym the kind you take your kids so that they can get their wiggles out and you can try to have awkward conversations with strangers.  It's like you have to practice how to talk to adults.  I have been staying home nearly four years, I need practice. The gist of most of the conversations tends to stay on the kids otherwise it can get awkward.  Anyhow, I walked by an attractive woman and as I was putting my kids in the stroller she looked back at me with a smile, and it wasn’t a pity smile, I think.  Hell, if it was a pity smile I’ll take what I can get.  I felt great and I strutted home with my head high. 

For women, generally speaking of course, it seems much easier.  I am sure women appreciate the Second Glance just as much as I did, but men have a harder time of the glance not turning creepy or weird.  Guys, especially married guys, are usually sexually deprived.  Some stay-at-home dads I hang out with have the common male fantasy of hooking up with a MILF.  I always tell them to think, to really think about that fantasy.  Do they really think it's a woman's fantasy to hook up with a dirty dude dragging kids around, come on. Her fantasy would be for someone to clean her house and babysit the kids so she can nap, or someone to take her away to Costa Rica.  It is no secret that MILFs exist and are some of the sexiest women out there.  Just the fact that there is a derogatory term for them says it all.  You don’t hear of Dad’s I’d like to F___.  It would be more like Dad’s I’d like to Clean My Bathroom or Dad’s I’d like to Finish the Damn “Remodel” they Started a Friggin’ Year Ago.  But if there were a derogatory term for the male version of MILF it should be FILF, Father I’d Like to, well you get it.  We are kinda filthy.  So don't be shy to give a FILF a second glance, you'll make their month.

Summon Your Parent Ninja

We have all summoned our parent ninja that lay deep in our souls.

This one is a classic,  when you say look a fire truck and steal french fries... Parent Ninja or Pirate Summoned

When you are able to catch the dropped bottle by the baby you are holding before it hits the ground... Parent Ninja Summoned

When you carry a baby,  three bags of groceries, diaper bag, and car seat in the house from the car in one trip... Parent Ninja Summoned

When you catch your son sneaking out of the basement window on Halloween to go to a party because girls knocked on his window, how could he resist, got me Mom... Parent Ninja Summoned.

When you are able to wrestle two little boys in such a way as they never knock heads or hit you in the balls... Parent Ninja summoned

When you are able to have sex, good sex, with your wife and never wake the baby sleeping in the same bed, hey when the spirit moves you... Parent Ninja Summoned

When you try to skip a few pages in the bedtime story to speed the process along because its been a long day and daddy needs a drink, and he notices the error... Parent Ninja NOT Summoned


Your turn post some Parent Ninja moments in the comments.

Country That Rocks

I grew up on country music so naturally as a young teenager I hated it and opted for Nirvana and Gangster Rap, everyone hates the cops at some point in their life.  Anyway, my mom listened to country and it was prevalent at school dances and whatnot.  My first concert ever was Ricky Van Shelton at the Phelps County Fair, he sang "Prop Me Up Beside the Jukebox When I Die".  I didn't come back to it until my freshman year of college when heard Uncle Tupelo a perfect mix of country, folk, and distorted rock.  Country can be cool.  I took all of the old vinyl from my mom's house and got back into the greats, Willy, Merle, Hank Williams, Cash and so on.  Its hard to find good new country.  The radio is the worst place to look.

Here are some of the songs and albums I like.

Classics I come back to:

Dolly Parton                     Jolene (my all time favorite)
Marty Robins                   Big Iron
Roger Miller                     Dang Me
Townes Van Zandt          Any song is good but Live at the Quarter is a great Album
Bettye LaVette                 What Condition My Condition Is In
Dwight Yokam                 Guitars and Cadillacs
Lyle Lovett                       Cowboy Man
Woody Gutherie               Hobo's Lullaby (sing it to my kids at bedtime)

Newer Stuff I like:

Ryan Adams                    Easy Tiger
Justin Townes Earle         Lone Pine Hill
Mofro and JJ Grey           Dirtyfloorcracker
Jayhawks                         Tampa to Tulsa
Ween                                Piss Up a Rope
Plant/Krauss                     Rissing Sand is amazing
Jason Aldean                    Big Green Tractor (love the lyrics, hilarious)

I am no expert on the genre and don't really know what qualifies as country, country western, folk ect.  I think the way to tell if its country is play it for any 15 year old in a large town, and if they hate it, it's probably county.

If you have others please post them in the comments.