I Work Hard For No Money, So Hard For It Honey

I was joking around with my wife the other day thinking about how long it has been since I have been in the work force, officially?  It has been over three years since anyone besides my family, especially my three year old, has ordered me around.   We make a lot of sacrifices for me to stay home, mostly budgetary.  My wife kicks ass and would have me be a kept man indefinitely (an older guy in a coffee shop called me a kept man once as I was struggling to get my drink, dealing with two kids, needless to say I wanted to kick his teeth in, I can barely keep myself), but I foresee myself staying home another year and a half, then back to the grindstone.  Talking to adults, a sense of accomplishment, pictures on my desk, stupid work drama, pointless meetings, fighting with the copy machine, having the I.T. guy make me feel stupid, these are the things I am missing?  Shit maybe I will stay home and be a kept man.

It is a common series of events for stay-at-home people, getting back in the job market.  I will have a huge hole in my resume.  How do I list my current position? Do I list it as Stay-at-Home Parent, or Kept Man (like the old bastard called me), or Marginally Showered Guy Dragging Two Kids Through the Supermarket?  I could dress it up a bit just like they do for janitors, Home Manager, or Child Rearing Engineer (gotta be careful with that one), or Neonatal Specialist (has a nice sci-fi ring to it).  Maybe I could organize it like this:

Home Manager                                          September 2006-Present

In charge of Department of Sanitation, Culinary Experimental Research, Toxic Waste Removal, Animal Trainer, Department of Accounting, Transportation Specialist, Director of Entertainment, Mechanical Toy Technician.

Or I could go with the more honest and direct approach:

Dirty Dad Playing Trucks                           September 2006-Present

Changing and washing friggin' putrid child excretions, cooking meals for ungrateful clients, occasionally cleaning when the shit hits the fan or guests come, cohabitating with animals I ignore, paying bills when the 1-800 number shows up on the caller ID, carting around two kids in a bike, stroller or car always running late and trying to keep the swearing to minimum, planting my children in front of the TV for a daddy sanity break.

I am proud of what I do and most people respect it and even envy my choice to stay at home with my boys; however, it doesn’t seem like it’s a valued position in society generally speaking.  It will be interesting in an interview sitting across from someone, and they ask me the question, “What have you been up to the past five years?”    I can say this much, I hope it’s a woman asking me that question.

My good friend asked me the other day if I get bored staying at home.  I laughed and said, “What do you think?”  It isn’t a high-powered position with the stress of climbing the ladder, unless it’s a playground ladder, it’s not a job that requires me to build clientele, maybe play dates count here, and it certainly isn’t a sexy job, as I usually am covered with boogers on one shoulder and milk on the other, but it is work and for the most part selfless dedication.